Enough Rope
by Jasonred
Summary: This story is currently under major renovation and editting. It currently sucks, is extremely skimpy and disjointed, but the main plot is there.


Enough Rope.  
  
  
  
Standard disclaimers apply. I do not own Ranma 1/2 or anything from it.  
  
  
  
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"BAKA!!!"  
  
The familiar war cry rang out as Akane malleted the living daylights out of Ranma. Something to do with his not eating her cooking again, apparently. Ukyo sighed to herself as she watched her fiance fly through the air into LEO. She'd closed up early to spend some time with him, but it looked like this evening was going to be a bust...  
  
Darn that Tomboy and her Mallets...  
  
Ukyo blinked in consternation. Unbelieavable! After all this time, the solution to all her problems had been SO obvious, sitting right in her face, and she hadn't realized it! Soon, she would be well rid of the biggest threat to her own happiness, and Akane would never lay hands on her Ran-chan again!  
  
  
  
  
  
*********************  
  
  
  
  
  
"You think this plan really work?" asked Shampoo.  
  
It had been a tough decision, but in the end, Ukyo just didn't have the resources that the Amazons did. And, anyhow, at the very worst, Cologne had mentioned an Amazon law allowing many women to own one husband. Something to do with the fact that the ratio of women to men in Joketsuzoku was something like 10:1 (*Note: It might be WORSE. Going over the manga and anime, I realised that I had seen LOTS of women, but as far as I knew, Mousse is the only Amazon male) Which was because of their genetics affecting the birthrate, AND the fact that they frquently accepted new strong females into the tribe. Like their Greek counterparts, the Amazons knew that assimilating or killing the competition were the route to becoming the strongest.  
  
Shampoo gave a slight frown. Sharing her Ranma with the spatula girl?  
  
.....  
  
She supposed she could do worse. After all, Ukyo wasn't insanely jealous like Akane, and would probably be fun to spend time with, sparring and cooking and such. Besides, many of her other friends back home had to share with 5-6 other girls, with the weakest fighters remaining single all their lives. (the Amazon version of Darwinism: only the strong may reproduce).  
  
Which was probably why Mousse was so obstinate in pursuing her, instead of returning home, and basking in the glory of being the strongest male fighter in the village. He chose pursuing his "true love" as opposed to becoming a breeding machine of sorts for the village.  
  
Enough of reminiscing and reflection. Concentrate on the job at hand.  
  
"Sure it will, Sugar!"  
  
"Shampoo not like having to hurt husband. Or making vicious Tobmoy even stronger!"  
  
"Well... I don't either. But, let's be frank. I am SICK AND TIRED of this whole game. Unlike you, I have spent more than half my life chasing down Saotome Ranma, and I want it to pay off NOW!"  
  
"Also not like losing to uncute violent tomboy who cannot cook, poor fighter, bad temper and totally undeserving of Ranma?"  
  
Perceptive... have to remember that she's nowhere near as dumb as she sounds... darn Viz and their weird translations for making us all underestimate her! thought Ukyo to herself. (and breaking the 4th wall. P.s. apparently, Shampoo speaks normally in the original manga)  
  
"That too," returned Ukyo. Now, have you got the disguises?"  
  
  
  
**************  
  
  
  
5 minutes later, Akane was walking down the road when she came across a stall manned by two "mysterious strangers" in trenchcoats, sunglasses, and some ridiculous looking false moustaches.  
  
"Honoured customer! You look like a martial artist. Could we interest you in this fine hammer?"  
  
Akane looked over the instrument. It was a streamlined, perfectly balanced metal hammer that put shame to any other hammer she'd ever owned. Strange runes covered the head, and she could FEEL the power flowing off it as she held it in her grasp. As it made bare contact with her skin, she felt the barerest flicker of ...something... strange, but it passed in a moment. She HAD to have it, at any price!  
  
"How much?"  
  
"It is said that the curs... errr... CURVACEOUS hammer of smiting will choose it's own master, seeking to pair weilder with instrument to form the strongest fighter in the world! It seems to have chosen you... take it with our blessing."  
  
"Wow, really? Thanks!!!!"  
  
As Akane dissappeared down the street, her newly acquired hammer vanishing wherever such things go to, Ukyo turned to Shampoo.  
  
"I can't believe she didn't see through these stupid disguises!"  
  
"Violent tomboy still not realise P-chan is Ryouga."  
  
"Good point. What's the hammer do again?"  
  
"Owner not want to get rid of it, and it hits VERY hard. Is magic."  
  
"Peeeerfeeect...."  
  
  
  
***************  
  
  
  
A few days later...  
  
"Honoured customer! Why look so upset?"  
  
"Well," Akane answered, "that stupid pervert living in my house keeps trying to steal Mallet-sama from me! He claims it never really hurt that much before, but this new hammer DOES. I always WONDERED why he never learnt his lesson from my previous punishments... then he had the cheek to say that I was nowhere as strong as him, and it was all the hammer's doing!"  
  
"Well, then," piped up the "mysterious stranger" with a spatula on her back, "have we got a deal for you! Muscle Muscle Powder, guaranteed to make you twice as strong as Ranma!"  
  
"Huh? How'd you know that the guy's name was Ranma?"  
  
"Errr..." Shampoo and Ukyo sweatdropped.  
  
"Ah, I know! Probably everyone knows about that pervert, what with his changing sex, lack of female modesty, and flirting with all those girls! That Baka! He's going to get a pounding when I get home!"  
  
Double face-fault... to cut long story short, Akane went home, took the powder regularly, and DID become twice as strong as Ranma... who himself is only MARGINALLY weaker than Ryouga. Except, as shown in the martial gymnastics contests and such, Akane doesn't even have as much control as Ryouga does... (which is saying a LOT)  
  
This ends up with Ranma receiving some of the WORST poundings he's ever received over the course of the next few weeks, far worse than when his rivals all gang up on him... probably because his "uncute fiancee" feels he's "jealous" over her newfound strength and power. (Actually, she's right... he is VERY jealous, AND is holding a bit of a grudge... but he's also worried about the regular poundings he's receiving.)  
  
"You no worry that Akane now stronger than us, can tear us apart?"  
  
"Nah... Cologne told me that her muscles are now bigger and stronger, but she's slower. And even CLUMSIER than before. Worse come to worse, we could use swords and the edge of spatulas. She's strong, but not invulnerable. Besides, Ran-chan's taken out Pantyhose in his cursed form, so we could do the same with Akane now... if it came to that. Anyhow, we shouldn't be fighting with her anyway..."  
  
"Is true. Plan seem to be working to perfection, we not need to get involved. Tomboy do all work breaking them up for us. Besides, with those bulging muscles, Akane look... scary."  
  
"You talking about the fact that you wouldn't want to fight her now, or that Ranma is going to find her less attractive?"  
  
"Both."  
  
  
  
*******************  
  
  
  
The final straw finally broke the Wild Horse's back. Akane had been cutting back on her beatings, since she really DID love him, and he had been trying not to antogonise her, but Ranma DID still end up in traction from a pumped- up, magic mallet wielding Akane.  
  
When she came home one day, with a stack of French Gourmet Cookbooks, some German recipes, and various other guides to constructing culinary delicacies, Ranma freaked, certain he would either end up poisoned, or dead from the beatings. ESPECIALLY when Akane started going on about how she had been trying to think of some way to cheer him up while he was convalescing, and these two nice vendors had offered her these cookbooks so she could make nourishing meals for her fiance. Why, the purple haired vendor had even been kind enough to direct her to a shop where she could buy some of the more exotic ingredients. As Ranma started turning green at the thought of even MORE "exotic" cuisine from Akane, she started to give off a battle aura at how unappreciated all this effort she took was... and she hadn't even COOKED anything yet!  
  
(unlike previously, Ukyo and Shampoo had charged her enough to make a profit on this deal... since Akane was overly eager to gain more cooking skills ANYHOW. And the shop Shampoo directed her too was on the up-and- up... but being Akane, she didn't NEED to be sabotaged in the field of cooking...)  
  
  
  
*******************  
  
  
  
  
  
Epilogue:  
  
  
  
  
  
Barely six months later, it was all over. Even Saotome Ranma had his limits, and Akane cooking EVERY DAY, trying to get through all the new and wonderful Exotic Recipes, coupled with the truly massive beatings whenever he tried to get out of it, had pushed him past even his limits. He had long gone past the point where he would run around trying to solve whatever problem he was facing. He had reached the limits of his endurance, unwilling to grit his teeth and bare the punishment any longer.  
  
So it was that one day, even Genma realised that Ranma would never be the best martial artist in the world if he was always either in traction, or in the Poison Ward of Nerima General Hospital. (Dr. Tofu being excellent at physiotherapy, but NOT for Akane's cooking). The engagement was cancelled, with little protest from any except Soun and Akane, and Shampoo and Ukyo, who had been remaining as inconspicous as possible, caught Ranma off the rebound.  
  
Subsequently, Akane found happiness with Ryouga, eventually (EVENTUALLY!!!), forgiving him about the whole P-chan thing. Soun eventually recovered when he was told that Ryouga was Genma's illegitamate son. This was never proven, or disproven, as not only have the reader's never seen Ryouga's family members, he himself has not seen them in years.Personally though, I find that his having TWO parents that were directionally addled was a bit weird, as they wouldn't BOTH have inherited the "getting lost gene". His mother and father wouldn't be blood related, after all. So... maybe there was another reason why his father hadn't been home for years, perhaps, he was wandering the world with a pig-tailed martial artist...  
  
In any even, Genma himself denied everything, and convinced Nodoka not to punish him (again...)  
  
Before Ranma left for China, he was FINALLY beaten in an official duel with Ryouga. Apparently, Akane's cookng and beatings were "Like the Bakusai Tenketsu training, only better!" Ryouga explained to a half-conscious Ranma.  
  
Following which, Ryouga was a bit lost (figuratively for once), as he had found happiness, defeated Ranma, and thus had nothing against him anymore. Which ended up with them admitting their friendship that had grown from the rivalry, and ended up becoming blood brothers. (which was the finaliser for Soun)  
  
As for Tatewaki and Kodachi... I don't really care for what happened to them. But I assume they just found other girls/guys to chase. Whadya expect from those two?  
  
Happosai decided to follow his heir to Musabetso Kakuto Ryu to China. (actually, he didn't want to hang around Tendo Dojo, only Ryouga could digest Akane's cooking and survive her beatings, all the cutest girlies had left, AND there was a village full of Amazon cuties over there...)  
  
Eventually, what with Ukyo's having 10 years of being a boy, and Shampoo's lifetime spent in a village full of gorgeous women and one half blind man who she detested, combined with Ranma's turning female, AND their getting impatient for their turns in bed... the 3 of them ended up sharing a bed at the same time. With sweet lemony scenes for all!  
  
  
  
************  
  
  
  
Author's notes: ....drool.... I shall end this here and do something about the lemon scenes! LEMON SCENES I say, LEMON SCENES!!! 


End file.
